Every once in a while, I’ll see “allies” sharing a problematic meme on the book of face and I’ll just let it go.
Because it’s not THAT bad.
Because I’ve bought into the notion that having empathy for someone being mocked makes me an overly-sensitive, politically-correct snowflake.
Because I’m trying to love someone for their intent instead of holding them accountable for their impact.
Because I don’t want to speak for or over the people it’s negatively impacting.
Because I’m too lazy.
Too tired.
Too sick.
Too busy.
Too privileged to fucking deal with it.
But what really makes me want to toss trash into the sun, is when I see self-described allies blatantly dismissing someone who is trying to step up and explain why something is offensive. Especially when the rejecting narrative sounds something like “Yeah, but I know someone who is (insert marginalized group), and they said it was okay.”
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen repeatedly in online support groups for trans folks and allies.
As if a handful of people are ambassadors or spokesmodels for an entire community.
As if people within a marginalized community are incapable of perpetuating problematic ideologies and internalizing implicit biases. But just like women regularly perpetuate misogyny ((waves middle finger at the 52% of white women who voted for Trump)), trans folks can perpetuate transphobia.
If someone from a marginalized group is stepping up to volunteer emotional labor, is it really that hard to just take a damn seat and listen? May we stop being complicit in the pain of others and give it a try.
Special thanks to my friend Allison Grace, who patiently tried to explain why a meme about Caitlin Jenner and the weather is offensive:
I don’t identify as a woman…I am a woman. The difference between “identify” and “am” is clear…one is up for debate and the other is absolute. The creator of the meme said he doesn’t have a problem with Caitlyn “identifying” as a woman but the weather better stop…meaning he doesn’t see her as a woman, but is fine with her seeing herself that way. It’s these types of semantics that transphobes love to use when they argue about my validity as a female, and they matter. Someone brought up their cat….your cat can “identify” as a dog, but that doesn’t make your cat one. By this logic I can “identify” as a woman, but that doesn’t make me one.Transphobic jokes built on the back of transphobic memes supports the thinking that I am not a woman…but hey, you’ll treat me as one. Just as white people need to accept that racism is societal and ingrained…so too is transphobia…and that isn’t anyone’s fault. You are all here for support and to learn. I think that is awesome, but you have to be willing to accept that maybe you need to see things from a different angle. Here’s another way to see it…I used to “identify” as a man, but I never was one.
You may “identify” as an ally. But are you one?
