A couple years ago, I was asked to be a moderator for an online support group for the transgender community. We have about 13k members and a while back we had a thread that resulted in multiple group members being banned.
All of them centered around a problematic statement regarding people only being willing to date cis people and defending it as “preference”.
If you need help understanding why saying “I will only date cis people” is fucked up, hopefully this thread will help.
Only want to date trans folks? Super! They have a first-hand experience that you may find particularly attractive, comforting, and/or validating.
But saying that you only date cis people? Regardless if you’re trans or cis, is really fucking gross.
There is literally nothing you can say about dating cis folks that universally eliminates all trans folks from being an option:
Tall? Petite? Muscular? Only enjoy certain genitalia? Christian? Kinks? Book reader? Fidget toy collector? Rich? Big family? Wants kids? Vegan? Pot farmer? Athletic? Long hair? Brunette? Cooks? Owns a llama?
There are trans people who have whatever the fuck trait you want (def need stronger llama-owner representation, tho).
As such, saying you will ONLY DATE CIS FOLKS means that the only trait that actually eliminates them from being a prospective partner is that they are trans.
Even if you yourself are trans, you can still have internalized transphobic ideologies (just like women can unconsciously internalize and perpetuate misogyny). You’re welcome to explore those feelings in this group – to unpack a bias that you maybe never even realized was there. But if you’re just gonna be an asshole and act like it’s not dehumanizing, dismissive, and transphobic to say “preference” shit like that? Then just do us all a favor and go eat a toenail clipping salad.
